Not Every Day is Pretty

I was recently reminded that I can’t do it all. Who am I kidding…I get this reminder daily, but this was a biggy. Both of my older boys were sort of over me trying to just get them to shave with the electric neck trimmer that we use in between haircuts. They really needed to start the year with a fresh, real SHAVE. What’s a mom to do?
I could have youtubed it, much like when we were trying to tie a bowtie for my niece’s wedding but this was stressing me out just a little. I kept putting it off all summer and with just one day to spare, we had our shave lesson…compliments of Shane’s best friend, Chris.
Much like he is with kids on the soccer or football field, he was patient and kind with just the right amount of ‘just do it, you wussy’. I am not so sure that this wasn’t a moment that Shane took over his vocabulary, but I am always mindful that they were around each other so much that they shared the same harassment tendencies.
Wyatt looked on with wonder. Lane kept a safe distance, but I could tell he was taking mental notes. Yes, he is a man child. A new 13 year old with more facial hair than his big brother. They have both had successful solo shaves and we are practically packing for college. It’s a lot to take in.
After a week of school, I am finally writing about this because I have not looked at this picture without weeping since it happened. Shane should just be here. I know it’s unfair for me to say that out loud, but it’s the way I feel all of the time. The fact is, he’s not. We are still learning to deal with that reality.
With each new school year, I feel more and more like I am on an island. I don’t fit a lot of categories anymore. It’s hard to have conversations with my married friends about the day to day and I certainly don’t consider myself a single. I have a hard time feeling sorry for people who consider themselves to be sooooo busy, and my compassion for every day complaints is very minimal. The only things I know are these:
I will continue to strive to be better, not bitter.
I love my job.
I care deeply for the students that God places in my care each year.
God is in control and I am not.
Some days are pretty good.
Some days are still not pretty at all.
I am in love with my boys and have no idea what I did to deserve them.
My heart aches for moments when he should be here for them.
I am and will always be eternally grateful for my true friends, coworkers, the boys’ coaches and teachers, and for my family.
God doesn’t expect us to put a nice face on an ugly thing, so I will work to continue to be honest in my feelings and keep living under His protection. Psalms 91:4 
Happy Shaving!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s