Dear Lady at Walmart,

I’m not sure I would consider you a friend. I may have shared a sideline with you once in a blue moon…on one team…6 years ago…when they didn’t even keep score. Not that I am so competitive a person that the score matters, it’s just a timeline reminder that you and I both have probably come a LONG way since.
If we talked on a daily basis, I may not have thought your line of questioning was rude. I may not have made a beeline to the other side of the giant store to avoid you or anyone remotely close to your demeanor. I may not have contemplated leaving my basket full of items and running for the hills. I was forced to stick it out with my sweet Wyatt and meander through the garden center…sweating and crying. My first trip to the store ‘since’ was becoming a joke…a bust.
You see, my amazing, handsome, strong, loving, hilarious husband left this world April 27, 2015. He was not supposed to go so soon. My boys and I were not ready for him to leave. We have a lot of plans to fulfill…a lot.
Oh, so you say you ‘heard that we HAD to move?’ Well, no. We didn’t have to move. We chose to move from our 6 acres that we had just purchased not even 2 years prior. Many people and experts say not to make such changes so suddenly, but when you watch your dear boys not be able to go into the room where daddy fell down and couldn’t wake back up you tend to consider it. When you have sat up on the couch one too many nights in a row just hoping that their brains are resting and not reliving the Monday over and over. I actually knew we could make it there, but honestly wanted a more manageable existence. We all 4 went and sat in my bedroom floor, right where it happened and prayed. We thanked Jesus for taking good care of daddy now. We prayed that our decision to sell was not about being scared, but about being smart. The first time that a volunteer didn’t make their assigned mowing date and the grass was a little harrier than Shane or I would have liked it, I jumped on the tractor between school and practices and tried to knock out as much as I could. It was an emotional ride. Something that used to be my ‘summer job’ as Shane would jokingly say. Me and my headphones and my Colbie Caillat Pandora station would have normally been a joy, was a chore. A teary, miserable reminder that he was gone and certainly not going to be sweeping in behind me with the weed eater to do the part of my summer job that I hated, all the while he would be teasing me from the ditch that I wasn’t going to be on the American Idol tour any time soon. No, we didn’t HAVE to move.
You asked ‘So where did you HAVE to go?’ Well, since you asked like that I will tell you that not all widows are destitute, dumb, mindless, sewer dwellers who no longer seek what is best for their children. We didn’t settle for a one bedroom apartment so that I didn’t have to mow. We searched and found the greatest house that not only the boys would be proud of, but Shane would have totally lived here. He would not have loved the closeness of the neighbors, the 4th of July bicycle parade would have cracked him up, but I am CERTAIN he loves it for us! He has always been a tad bossy and such a leader. I have said more than once and completely believe that he is putting his two sense in to the man upstairs. Our home where we fully intended to host our grandchildren’s summer camps sold in just 3 days. Multiple full price offers. Done. Sold. It had stayed on the market almost 2 years when we purchased it. Thank you, Jesus, for taking care of my sweet family. May the owners of that property enjoy the pond, the newly built barn where our middle son was going to raise baby lambs with my husband’s help, where our oldest played on his own full-sized soccer field, and where our youngest learned a between the legs dribble on his own NBA court. When we prayed in our bedroom floor, my oldest asked that the new owners would know the love that was there. I will probably never remember that without crying. That is exactly what I want them to remember about that home. So, where did we have to go. Again, we didn’t have to, but we chose to go somewhere manageable and safe. Somewhere that new memories could be made and the yard could get mowed. Co-dependent living is not something my husband would be proud of for us. He would be proud that I have accepted the help that I have, but I can mow my own yard. He would bear hug all of his buddies who have supported us and helped us move.
‘So, like WHAT happened to him?’ you so rudely continue to ask these pointed questions while cornering me on the chip aisle. We suspect he had a heart attack. ‘What? You don’t KNOW?’ No, we don’t. He was 41. He was diabetic. He chewed tobacco. He didn’t always eat right. He exercised somewhat irregularly. He worked is tail end off for his family. He was probably too stressed. He coached a sport every season. He may not have had enough down time. He loved without ceasing. He made crude jokes. He popped me with towels in the kitchen. He teased his boys about girls and zits. He was a musician. He probably didn’t get to play enough. He was the master of math homework. He drank beer on occasion. We traditionally both drank one when we grilled burgers on the back patio. He liked to play golf. He liked to watch college football, college softball, well…basically any sport. He loved his job. He was ornery. He was loved by everyone he met…even if he kept them guessing. He loved to go hunting with his work buddies. He loved a good surprise, even though he would tell you he didn’t. He gave the best hugs. He loved me more than I have ever been loved. He always knew what to say to the boys. He was a born coach and encourager for kids. He loved his momma. He loved his daddy. His grandpa was his hero. He could roll with the punches. I could do this all day, but I didn’t do this on the chip aisle. I had reached my limit with her in 3 questions. She wanted more, but I walked away. I hope she got the hint, but I am guessing not.
I have always been ‘too nice’. My husband handled all buffering of uncomfortable situations. He could shut down a bugger in one word, one look, one movement. He hated going to the store with me since I had lived and taught in this town my whole life. It was too much. I have learned a lot about myself in the last 11 weeks. I am stronger that I thought I was and with divine intervention all around us, we will make it. My boys and I will keep moving forward, riding the waves of grief one day at a time. We will honor our memories and pray that new ones will become sweet again. We are not there yet. All of the sweet memories include dad. Right now, it feels like we are just moving through the daily motions. Staying busy and relying on family and friends to remind us that we are making it. We will continue to make it and continue to strive to honor God in all things. I will just avoid the chip aisle at all cost.

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9 thoughts on “Dear Lady at Walmart,

  1. how adorable is that? i was talking to mandi last night and she told me the scores….i said this is chase's soccer team, right? for a minute i thought she meant chance and his football team! they do look like a lot of beckhams…whatever it takes because they are AWESOME and they DOMINATE! i think it's adorable that you are the mini-van driving soccer mom too! who wouldn't want to ride with you? : )~Kim

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  2. omgosh that is so cute!! I can't wait to do this with Masyn's pic!! How do you put a video on your blog? I am trying to post an Advent Conspiracy video from youtube to my southern nesting blog and couldn't figure it out so I just linked it, but I NEED masyn's video of her being an elf on there =)

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  3. The Farleys have been busy! Your little guys are so cute…you can tell that they keep you laughing all the time. You are SO right about moral (morale) down. I'm trying to put all of my FAITH in God that he will continue to protect all of us as teachers. It's so hard to think that us first years may not be around next year because of the schools not having the money. We have 8 in our building….EIGHT! Like you, I'll hold onto hope and pray for that things get better! I love it when you update your blog…we think a lot alike and you post alot of what I'm thinking! ~Kim

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  4. how darling!!! I want to make a little box right now! & I am pinning your teacher app. gift! Masyn starts preschool in Sept & I already have 50 ideas on what I want to do…. I am thinking I'll have to give appreciation gifts to our Sunday school teacher, dance teacher, swim teacher…….. just to use all the ideas! I love the mint to be! I think its my fave out of all the ones I have seen

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  5. You are not alone in your addiction – I'm right there with you! I've only had a chance to bring one idea to life in our house (using a cookie sheet for a magnetic letter board for E since our fridge/dishwasher aren't magnetic) but hopefully I will get around to some others soon!

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  6. Jen. I'm speechless. Please let me share with people who can then understand why I am always talking about my amazing friend who's heart is broken wide open. You continue to teach me about my own life every day. This will help others understand more about their own.

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